he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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