sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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