I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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