so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
