I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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