Someone shit on the floor
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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