Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
