Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
