Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
