i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
