there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
