Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
