I'm eating all of the evidence.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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