And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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