Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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