i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
