her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
