He asked to "fluff my boner.."
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
