Christians are straight up FREAKS
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
