Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
