week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Randomize
