I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
