whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
