I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
