Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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