I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
