We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
