I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
