Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
