Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he puts the penis in happiness.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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