im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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