hell yes lets make some ravioli
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I am one with the molecules
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
