I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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