You can't motorboat a personality
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
