so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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