White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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