only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
