I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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