i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
