that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
