I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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