i just google imaged poop.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
