This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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