drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
