It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
