I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
