Quick, to the slutcave!
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
