you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
