My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
