Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
