She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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