she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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