He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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