4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
