I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
