Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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