Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
