ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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