I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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