So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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