it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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