just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
my being single is dangerous.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
