bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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