I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
