I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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