White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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