it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
