I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
