So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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