We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
