You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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