You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
