i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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