apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
