nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
