Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
