I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
