After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My bed smells like the plague
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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