His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
