I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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