What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
it's like iHOP with fire
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
