So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
