he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
