She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
