Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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