Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
