She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
there was a trapeze. enough said
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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