I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
